Thank God for Berlusconi

Every time I feel badly about our politicians in the US, there’s always two countries I can look to in order to feel better: North Korea and Italy.  No matter what our jackass elected leaders do, there’s nothing they can do that’s able to even come close to the clowns of those two countries.  To wit, let’s talk about my all time favorite Italian politician, former prime minister Silvio Berlusconi.  In the midst of a divorce from his second wife, he’s announced plans to marry his third, who just happens to be 50 years younger than him.

Of course she is.  An age appropriate marriage, announced after his divorce was finalized, would be unthinkable for Silvio.  Never one to be troubled either by the truth or propriety, the septuagenarian politico is also considering a public comeback, vowing to run again for the office of prime minister in elections to be staged early in 2013.  Were he to be elected, he this would be his fourth time in the office.  In addition to his antics being ridiculous, his personal appearance is becoming rather clownish as well, with visible evidence of copious amounts of makeup, hair transplants and an atrocious dye job being on full display during a press conference earlier this year.  Finally, his appearance is beginning resemble his grotesque actions.  It’s almost like the Italian version of Dorian Grey.

So, Italy, keep up the good work.  Let his pandering and outright lies mollify you to the point right where he wants you, prostrate and cowed, convinced that by voting for Berlusconi, you can escape the hard reality it is that you face: either difficult reforms, or another term of hilarious corruption and political stagnation.

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UK PM Cameron: Forgot His Own Kid

My parents forgot me, at least on a few occasions that I can recall.  I had a play date when I was about seven, and my father went to pick me up from said friend’s house.  He chatted with the other father, and then proceeded home without adorable little Mac.  Of course the Susie was none too pleased about this, and Mac was duly collected.

And it seems that this happens with some frequency.  British Prime Minister David Cameron and his wife were out to brunch a few months back with their kids and a few other couples.  When they returned home, they discovered that they had left one of the kids behind.  Now, I can totally understand this happening with parents on their own.  But when you have staff (not to mention security) I think that it makes it just all the more amusing.

Don’t Like Your Old Family? Get A New One

In December, I wrote about Bill Johnson, a onetime Alabama Republican gubernatorial candidate who was making sperm donations in New Zealand to lots of ladies (including lesbians) who were not his wife.  Seems that Bill forgot to tell his wife about his hobby of repopulating New Zealand with his donations, but now she’s fully aware of his hobby.

The one open part of the story when I last looked at it had to do with his wife and family.  There seemed to be a big question mark over whether or not he’d return home to his wife and cut the ladies off.  Well, apparently he’s decided against it.  He came home for a bit, chatted it out with his wife, and opted to go back to his new ‘families’ rather than take care of his own wife and kids.  For a man who ran a campaign based on ‘family values,’ I find this pretty rich.

Old People and the Truth

Ever notice that old people say exactly what’s on their minds?  I envy them.  I think that they’ve basically gotten to a point where they simply don’t give a shit anymore, and will say damn near anything that pops into their wizened brains.  Congressman John Dingell (D-MI), who is 85 years old and has served in the House since Eisenhower was President, is a classic case in point.  As a Democrat, he’s no fan of the Tea Party, and usually refers to them as ‘Teabaggers,’ unaware that there is a different meaning to the word.

Well, at one point, before he was set to go on the Daily Show, his staff finally decided that they ought to bring him up to speed on what the word meant, certain that he should at least be aware.  He was first amused.  Then mildly disgusted.  Then he decided he was going to keep using it.  There are indeed benefits to getting old.

Scotchy, Scotch, Scotch

It’s official folks: Burgundy is back.  Last night, on Conan O’Brien, Will Ferrell made an appearance on the show, berating O’Brien for his appearance, calling him ‘a red scare wig on a skeleton’ before announcing that a sequel to Anchorman is in the works.  The 2004 film grossed $91 million, and I would anticipate that the sequel, which has become somewhat of a cult classic in the years since, would make far more.  I, for one, am delighted.  Let the idiocy ensue.

The Royal RSVP

If you’re married, and you’ve done all the of requisite planning for the big day, you’ve likely invited some people that you knew wouldn’t come, but still invited, nonetheless.  Frances and John Canning, of Prestwich, England, did so: they invited the Queen.  And, what’s more, she showed up.

The Queen was already in the area as a part of her Jubilee celebrations, and her staff slightly altered her schedule so that she and Prince Phillip could join the festivities for the couple over the course of this past weekend.  I’m not a big fan of royalty, but just being able to tell the stories of ‘Oh, yeah, Queen Elizabeth just showed up at my wedding’ would seem pretty cool.  And, what’s more, you know how there’s always ‘that guy’ at the wedding who gets super trashed?  Well, maybe this time, it was Prince Phillip.  Or maybe not.

Stalked by a Turkey

Edna Geisler, of Commerce Township, Michigan has a stalker.  For upwards of two months, he’s been lurking about her property, occasionally attacking her and refusing to leave her in peace.  The funny part is that it’s a turkey that she’s nicknamed Godzilla.  Usually, wild turkeys are terrified of humans, although this one apparently lost his fear of humans at some point, likely when someone fed him.  Godzilla thinks that Geisler’s front yard is his territory, and he views her as the aggressor.

I think this is hilarious.  If this were my yard, a simple trip to Walmart to pick up a twelve gauge shotgun would be in order, to be promptly followed by a sumptuous turkey dinner that night.  Usually, eating your enemies is frowned upon, but you can, in this instance, quite literally kill two birds with one stone (or shotgun blast).