Avian Apocalypse Now

I hate birds.  I think they’re vile.  And, they also scare* me.  I’ve been known to use human beings as shields and shriek like a five year old girl whenever a flock of them, usually pigeons, flies up all at once towards me.  I’ve gotten some pretty weird looks, and they’re completely justified.

Having said that, there’s been a number of instances where large numbers of birds, both in Sweden and the US have suddenly started dropping dead.  Out of the sky, with no apparent cause.  Other than some evangelical Christians think it was caused by the repeal of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.  Of course, gays get to serve openly in the military, so this is Round One of the End Times.  Why didn’t I think of that?

Well, because it’s total horseshit, that’s why.  And it’s happened again in Romania.  This time, the Romanians though, having been thoroughly disabused of the notion that God actually cares about what happens on earth by 45 years of soul-crushing Communism, demonstrated that a flock of birds died suddenly, not as a result of the wrath of the Almighty, but because of alcohol poisoning.  That’s right, Romanian starlings like to party.  Necropsies were performed on a few of them, and it was theorized that they died of alcohol poisoning when they ate the remnants of fermented grapes that are used to make Romanian moonshine, tuica (which, on my 21st birthday in Romania, got me pretty hammered as well).

So, Romania, hat’s off to you for not completely losing your mind and blaming the mass death of birds on something like Gypsies or a vampire.  Evidently, you’re far ahead of the US in this area.


* My mother and sister are the same way.  We’re all terrified of the birds.


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